Ad Hudler - Ad Libbing

Why I take a gun with me on book tours
Sunday, September 21, 2008

Getting ready to go on tour with MAN OF THE HOUSE. Touring can be brutal. Some things that have happened to me:

1. Lost and looking at a map while driving, I once rear-ended a woman in a scary section of Miami. She bolted out of the car, yelling in Spanglish and flailing her hands as if she were conducting the last movement of some bombastic Beethoven piece. "You crazy, you crazy! I call mi hermano and he take care of you!" Luckily, VERY LARGE Miguel was nicer than his sister. The wreck ended up costing me about $2,000.

2. One time at a signing a woman leaned into me as if to whisper a secret, and she LICKED MY FACE! ... the length of my entire cheek.

3. One time I arrived at a bookstore a few hours early ... and I filled the time by browsing the shelves and sipping wine. A LITTLE TOO MUCH WINE, EVIDENTLY. When I was speaking I leaned too far into the podium, and it fell forward and crashed to the ground, with me riding it all the way down. I missed hitting a woman in a wheelchair by just a few inches.

It helps to be a humor writer; easier to get away with these things.

2 Comments:

Anonymous said...: Had you re-read this before sending? Taking a gun on your book tours would help exactly how?

1: VERY LARGE Miguel might have had a VERY LARGE gun also and where would that have put you?

2: So you would have shot her if you'd had your gun with you?

3: And a gun would have helped here exactly how? Sounds like wheelchair lady needed one.; September 22, 2008 9:25 AM
Ad Hudler said...: Okay, geez....sorry.
I meant to say parsnip instead of gun. Bad typo.; September 22, 2008 7:08 PM